Cracking up!

A lot of kids with autism have things that they do over and over again. Andrew does a lot of this! One thing that he is stuck on right now is his "jokes". In his speech therapy they have been working on pronouns like he is a boy. So, now Andrew will come up to me with a huge grin on his face and say to me, "Mommy is a boy. Mommy is a he." And then he will belly laugh! Then I say, "No, mommy is a she, a girl." More laughter!
I am thrilled that he is talking more and more. I am thrilled that there is eye contact. I am thrilled that we are seeing his sense of humor. But, Andrew really needs a new repitore of jokes! :) It's the same "jokes" in the same order, all the time.
It is very to break one of these modes. Because there is a reaction between him and me, he keeps up the routine. It's a way to have a bond with him that is not easy to come by. Now, it's come to a point where I need to decide if the "jokes" and the routine of them is becoming a hinderance to other things. The jokes can interfere with learning a new task. We have been trying to teach Andrew how to put the silverware away. But, in the middle of showing him where the forks go, he will start giggling and saying, " Mommy is a he!" So, is he still paying attention to the instruction or has he lost complete focus. This is hard for me. I don't want to stop the laughter and his interaction, but I do want to stop the ongoing, same joke routine. ugh...
I guess for now, I will just enjoy hearing and watching Andrew crack himself up with his jokes because I cherish every interaction we have together. The silverware can wait until tomorrow.

Step by step

I was trying to explain to my hairdresser the other day why it is difficult for Andrew to follow directions. It's not that he doesn't hear me or that he is being disobedient when he doesn't do what I ask him to do, it's that he doesn't understand fully what is being asked. There is a disconnect in his brain. Every task needs to be broken down into very simple and direct actions.
For example, if I say to Andrew, "Andrew, go over to the couch, pick up your things and bring them to mommy", he has to first figure out where he has to go. The couch. Which couch? Okay, I have to go to the couch in the tv room. Now, what things am I supposed to pick up. This or that? It's like Andrew's brain is on constant overload, just trying to sort out and filter what he is hearing. It's always a battle to get him to follow directions. But, we are getting better at giving him simple commands and Andrew is getting better at listening to exactly what he needs to do. Step by step; little by little we are seeing him grow. How exciting!

Some thoughts...

I went to a mom's conference a few weeks ago for a time of encouragement. I had fun with my friends that came with me and God did teach me some things of the heart. However, one of the workshops I attended left me feeling so discouraged. It was a workshop for moms with special needs kids. It was to be a time of encouragement, but it wasn't. In fact, I was little put out. The lady that gave the workshop was a mom of a special needs kid and she talked about very practical things that we could as moms to help make life easier. For example, packing the child's backpack the night before school. Really? Come on. I'm not meaning to bash this lady. She had very good intentions, but I wanted more!! There was nothing spiritual in this talk at all, either! I left feeling like I just wasted an hour of my day and thinking that I could do a better job. Those other moms that were there needed encouraging.
So, I have been thinking a lot about this and what I would do if I lead a workshop for moms with special needs kids. This is just a rough draft and thoughts that need a lot more processing, but here it is:
1. I would talk about how God designed our kids with a purpose. Psalm 139: 13-14 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." What a wonderful thing for moms to know...that our kids were created by God. He knit them together and they are wonderfully made! God delighted in designing them!
2. God chose us as moms to be exactly what our kids need to help them grow and succeed. In Luke 1 an angel came Mary and told her that she was highly favored and that the Lord was with her. To be highly favored means that one is regarded with preferance and is privilged. I find great comfort in knowing that God prefered me over other women to be the mom for Andrew and that God is with me through every situation; good or bad.
3. We, as moms need to mourn the loss of dreams we have for our kid with special needs. I had big dreams for Andrew. I wanted him to have lots of friends, enjoy going on vacations, to play outside in the summer with the neighbors, to succeed in school. Andrew may do these things someday, but for now he doesn't. And, that's hard for me! I have on occasion written down these dreams and tucked them away. I hold on to them for him. And I also cry over them. I grieve for that loss right now. I think moms need ot know that this is OKAY! It's okay to want things for our kids and to dream big. But it's always okay to cry, be angry, hurt and mourn over those things that get lost because of the way our kids are.
4. Moms with special needs kids need support, whether that's through a church, friends, family or a support group. We can't do this alone. We need to vent and share what's going on in our kids' lives and in ours. Joni and Friends Family Retreats are a great way to find that support. These family camps are designed for the family as a whole and also allow time for moms to be in a small group to share our thoughts and feelings.
5. Parenting a child with special needs is not black and white. There is no right way to do something. We have to do what's right for our families. We absolutely can take someone's advice, but if it doesn't work, that's okay. We just keep trying until something does work.

These are just some of the thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain. I envision praying over of the moms, allowing them to share their story in a small group, sharing these things above and more. I want other moms to be encouraged and know that they are not alone in their journey.

Sensitive

A lot of kids with autism tend to have some form of sensitivity. Some of Andrew's sensitivity is towards babies crying and music from a radio or CD. We went to Indy over spring break for a few days. While there, we went to the Children's Museum. Andrew likes to go to the same exhibits every time like the trains, the carousel and the science spectrum. Of course, these are the most popular with lots of people. He is just fine there, until he hears a baby cry. Then, he just stops what he's doing and puts his hands over his ears and tells me, "Baby happy!!". I try to distract him, but sometimes it is too much and he bursts into tears.
Andrew loves music...on his terms! Eric takes Andrew every Sunday morning to hear the worship band practice for the next service. Andrew loves it! He loves going to church to hear "the guitars". The worship team is great in letting Andrew run around and yell out "Rock on!" and "Rock Stars!" However, when we get to the van, I can not have the radio on. If it's on, Andrew will put his hands over his ears and yell, "Radio off!" And, if I'm not fast enough, it can turn into a complete meltdown of crying and kicking the seats.
I wish I knew why these two things bother him so much! It is one of many questions I would love to have an answer for. I would love for Andrew to be able to tell me why certain things are so hard. Maybe someday, but for now, I'll just to avoid those things. With a new cousin on the way at the end of summer, he may just have to learn to adjust, because I am definitely going to be holding that baby!

Andrew's Day

We try to put Andrew to bed around 8:00 every night. We do this because he is an early riser, like anywhere between 5:00 - 6:00 AM! There are some nights he doesn't actually fall asleep until 9:30pm because he's talking, or singing or tapping on the wall. That was last night. But, he was still up at 6:15am this morning! A lot of kids with austism have trouble sleeping. Andrew doesn't wake up at night, but he doesn't sleep long... at least for mom!

So, this morning, just like we always do, we took his "stuff" (blankets, bears, and Larry the Cucumber) to momma's bed and laid down for another 10 minutes or so. Then, we came downstairs and I made Andrew's breakfast. Every morning, he has the same breakfast - waffle and sausages. A blueberry frozen waffle and two saugage links. It never fails.

We had to leave the house around 8:00am to get Jarod to day camp, so that meant Andrew needed to get dressed. We got Andrew dressed and his flip flops. He loves his flip flops! It could be 20 below zero and he will ask to wear his flip flops! If it is that cold, I won't let him, but most of the time it's fine, like today. As soon as we got home, the clothes came off and the pajamas were back on! He loves his comfy clothes!

The rest of today has been filled with playing on the computer, playing with his trains and me trying to get him to interact with me. He will ask me for food or if he needs something, but pretty much resists if I try to initate "play". It's hard some days, but I'm happy with any kind of response from him! He did help me peel wallpaper (which he started in the first place and is why we now have a big project inthe Hansen house!)when I asked, so it's been a good day!

I'm off to get him some ham...his favorite snack.

April is autism awareness month!

I am hoping that I can shed a little light into the world of autism by sharing our life this month.
Andrew loves Wheel of Fortune! He loves to play it on the computer and "play" it on the kitchen table. He has several puzzles memorized and will randomly quote one throughout the day like "highly recommended walking tour". Then he will joke with us by saying the wrong word or change the name of the person playing. he will just giggle and giggle!
Wheel of Fortune is colorful and repetitive. I think that's one reason why Andrew loves it! He also loves the spinning of the wheel.
it's a great way for Andrew and me to play together, which is difficult for him.
So, yay for Wheel of Fortune!

Friday's 5

1. Jarod played Wildcat Baseball this summer for the first time. He enjoyed for the most part. There were some tears the last day from hurt feelings (and mama too), but I'm thankful that Jarod still wants to play again next summer. I'm also thankful for the opportunity to talk with Jarod about character through the hard times.

2. Andrew has finsihed with summer school. I am thankful for great aides and teachers that were with him this month. This was his last summer for this specific program. My boy is growing up!

3. Today, we had nothing on the calendar! The boys and I stayed in our pajamas until about 10am, then went to the library and the grocery store. After lunch, we went to Huntington to visit with Grandma and Granpa Hansen. It was a great day! I'm thankful that we could do all of those things without having to race back home for the next "event" on the calendar!

4. I am thankful for some "cooler" weather. It hasn't been so humid and sticky and I am very thankful for that!

5. I'm so thankful for a husband who brought home dinner tonight so I didn't have to cook.